All Things Must Pass.... including this blog???

 I think we may have reached the end of the line for this blog.  I have 130 entries, not including this one.  There have been 270 comments made by the viewers.  Since it began in December 2019, there have been over 48,000 page views.  But I feel like I have run out of things to say.  

Let there be no mistake, I am grieving Pam's loss.   I miss her every day.  I miss getting hugs every morning.  I am learning to live with the fact that she is gone... except for all my memories.  I am sure that I will always have those moments when I see a picture, or hear a song, or have a thought run through my head and I will tear up.  But life will go on.  The pain of her loss will diminish.  The inability to concentrate, the up and down sleep pattern, and the days of little motivation will all start to go away.  

But in the last couple of weeks I have realized that my issue, my Achilles if you will, will be living alone.  I never, ever thought about being retired and living alone.  I have not yet come to grips with that idea.   I think the psych-types will equate this with loneliness.  Psychology Today has a number of good articles on the subject.  I guess that should be a topic of discussion with my counselor after Thanksgiving.  So far, I am not liking it at all.

As Thanksgiving approaches, I am not looking forward to it.  This will be the first holiday without her.  I know... I should be focused on the family that will be gathered with me around the table.   I am very grateful for those that  will be sharing their time with me.  I am sure they will understand why I will be setting a place for Pam at the head of the table where she usually sat.  I expect that I will need to leave the table and go to a private place to be alone.   But we will get through it and enjoy the holiday.

Christmas will be especially hard.  That was her season.  She always had the house decorated so well.  I think the boys are going to do that for her this year.  I bought her a Christmas present.  Last Christmas we had to show her how to unwrap her presents because she did not remember.  Such a horrible disease.

Now, some good memories.  One of our favorite places to visit was Bermuda.  Pam booked the first cruise there with a few couples from her bowling league.  We had such a good time that we cruised back again the next two years, only we brought the girls with us.  At the time, Norwegian Cruise Lines was using the Norwegian Majesty for the Boston to Bermuda run.  The Majesty was small enough that it could fit through a channel in the stone cliff outside of St. George's.  So the ship was our hotel for the duration of our stay.   The people of St. George's were wonderful.  The old community, founded in 1612, was safe and welcoming.  We did several guided walks around the area and a horse-drawn carriage ride.  We all had a wonderful time there.  Pam and I returned to Bermuda four or five more time by air.  Our last visit was the destination wedding of our youngest daughter.  Enjoy the photos.

I Hope This Lettter Finds You Well...

 Get on with your life.  That is what I am supposed to do.   You are gone.  You are not coming back.  So I am supposed to get on with my life.  That is awful easy to say.  But I am not having much luck actually doing it. We did almost everything together.  We traveled in our motorhome.  We took the Red Hemi to car shows.  We shopped at JC Penney.  The Red Hemi is gone and the RV will be soon.  I guess I could go shopping.  But you know me..... that just means me sitting at the computer and choosing what I want and hitting the button.

I can't remember what life is without you.  The choice of life with or without you was one we made over fifty years ago.  We made the right choice!  <tears>  I am on my second box of kleenex since you left.  And it is not just me.  The boys miss Gmom, especially Noah and Elijah.  You would be so proud of them.  They are fine young men.  Noah traded the pickup you helped him buy and has gotten a bigger one.  His plates are SLVRHEMI.  I wonder where that idea came from.   Elijah is doing great in his job and bought himself a car.  It is a reflection of their mothers, which is really a reflection of us.  We did good.  Even though you wanted boys, we have three daughters that anyone would be proud of.  I am going to watch Jacoby later today.  He is doing what he loves, playing football for Central.  Maybe you can come and watch him tonight too.  Watch over him.  Ryder will be there playing in the band.

The holidays are coming.  This will be the first year that we are not together.  I thought that being alone might be better choice for me this year.  But Courtney said "Absolutely not!".  They want my cornbread stuffing so I have to be there.  You don't need to worry.  They are looking after me.  After the Thanksgiving dishes are cleared, I am going to be wrapping the present I bought you for Christmas.  I hope that you will like it.  It should fit nicely into your collection.  Sadly, I am returning that nice wool coat I bought you last Christmas.  You never got to wear it.  

You would be happy that all of your beautiful clothes are going to a women's shelter.  I know that they will appreciate them as much as you did.   I did keep your favorite winter hat.  It makes me smile every time I look at it.  I think I may put it next to my grandmother's cookie jar.  It will be the start of the Make Me Smile collection.   I do wish you could tell me where the emerald bracelet is because we can't find it.

I will be going to the condo's Coffee Hour in  little while.  I am trying to stay connected with other people, even though I would rather just be alone with the kleenex.

Please take care of yourself.  I am looking forward to that next dance.  Until the twelfth of never.....