Not So Happy Birthday To You!

 Today is your birthday.   Happy Birthday to you!   Almost any way that you measure, it should be a Happy Birthday.  Only nine percent of the world population gets to live past 65.  You have.    You have much to be proud of.  In a few short weeks we will have been married for fifty years.  A significant achievement.  You have three wonderful daughters, that are all educated, productive members of society.  They have become parent themselves.  Your five grandsons love their G-mom very much.  That makes you happy.  You had a productive career that you are proud of.  You have a home and a bed to sleep in every night.  These are all things that should make you happy.

 

But at the same time, this is a not so Happy Birthday.  The realities of a dementia diagnosis are earth shattering.  On a good day, you are aware of what lies ahead and are sobered by the thought.  On a bad day, your world is a closed in place that can not see beyond the next ten minutes.  In either case, I am filled with sadness and pain.  After a long life that any one would be proud of, the happiness is dulled by the prospects.  I spring a tear when you wander down the hall of the condo trying to go "upstairs" to the bedroom.  I spring another when you are showered and dressed for your 11 am appointment, considering that it is only 1 am.  The sadness subsides when every new morning is greeted with a hug.

 

I wish you a very Happy Birthday dear.   I wonder if this will be the last one that you remember.  I wonder if your speaking to me in the third-person means that you really don't remember who I am.  I wonder when the grandsons will swing by to hang out with G-mom, but find someone that does not know them.  Despite all that, it IS a Happy Birthday.  We are still together and we will be to the very end.  I made you a chocolate cake.  Lets enjoy it together.  Happy Birthday.