Saturday, July 08, 2023

Do Not Ask Me To Remember ..

 Being the full-time caregiver for a loved one is so very difficult.  The physical and emotional demands will wear you out.  And then there is something that is said or done that makes you feel like all that effort is being taken for granted.  But you need to remember that the person that you are dealing with is not really your loved one.  The protein deposits in their brain have taken your loved one from you.  They have left a shell of someone that looks like your loved one.  We must remember this in order to protect our loved one.  And one of the important ways that I do this is to read a specific poem every day.  My daughter sent me this poem.  It touched me so much, that I have hung it on the wall in our kitchen, next to the coffee pot, where I read it every day.  Now you can read it.....


Do Not Ask Me To Remember ...
Do not ask me to remember
Don’t try to make me understand.
Let me rest and know you’re with me.
Kiss my cheek and hold my hand.
I’m confused beyond your concept.
I am sad and sick and lost.
All I know is that I need you
To be with me at all cost.
Do not lose your patience with me.
Do not scold or curse or cry.
I can’t help the way I’m acting,
Can’t be different though I try.
Just remember that I need you,
That the best of me is gone.
Please don’t fail to stand beside me,
Love me till my life is done.
( Owen Darnell )


There is one down-side to this poem.  It reminds me of the final outcome of this disease.  It causes me to grieve.  I grieve over the things that we had planned to do together but can no longer do.  I grieve over the course that this disease will take us.  No matter what medications we take or how nutritious we make the diet, the outcome is predetermined.

Sadly,  I think we may have reached another negative milestone on this journey.  I think that Pam has spent her last weekend in the RV.  She had a very tough day on Friday and we had a lot of difficulty getting her into bed.  In the end, I set her up on the couch, where she spent most of the night.  Because of its size, it is very hard to maneuver when trying to help her.  And if she should lose her balance, she is almost guaranteed to hit something on the way down.  And that is exactly what happened the next morning.  She was sitting at the dinette, after having taken her morning meds and nodding off.  I was paying attention to something else and she fell over whacking her head pretty hard on the fridge.  She slept most of the day and I kept a close eye on her in case she showed signs of a concussion.  But the fall just caused a bump on the head.

The month of July will be a pretty quiet one for us.  We have almost no doctor appointments.  I'm thinking if we can't spend it in the RV, then maybe two or three day-trips to some of Pam's favorite places are in order, with York Beach atop that list.  We have the monthly Sista's Lunch and lunch with a dear friend that is on her annual pilgrimage to New Hampshire despite living in South Carolina now.  and we will put an exclamation mark on the month with a concert in Stark Park in Manchester.  A friend is the lead singer in an Eagle's tribute band and they are returning to Stark Park again this year.  They did a brilliant job last year and we are looking forward to their return.  I would encourage you to save Sunday, July 23rd and join us to listen to Another Tequila Sunrise in Stark Park.

1 comment:

  1. You have my admiration in how you are dealing with this Bruce. Pam is fortunate to have you. Much love.